My Birthday Post

On my 28^th year of being alive, for those that know me well and for those that don’t, I thought I would share some interesting facts about me that most of you likely do not know.

1. In grade 5 I saw my favourite movie, Terminator 2. I cried when Arnie lowered himself into the lava at the end. Cried like a little girl. To this day, I am preparing for the eventual rise of Skynet.
2. During my wee years, I used to come home after school every day and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation with my dad. I still idolize Patrick Stewart. I still think Data is cool. I still fantasize sometimes about becoming a Borg and travelling the galaxy in my space cube assimilating everything.
3. Since today is my birthday, I reserve the right to walk around with my fly undone.
4. I used to wrestle with my dad in the living room floor incessantly as a child, until he was annoyed and left. I have always enjoyed fighting.
5. Like I told someone in grade two, my dad can sooooo kick your dad’s ass.
6. For the record, I have likely lost just as many street fights as I have won. However, I was always the last man standing, and I never ever quit. And I never hit anyone unless I thought they deserved it.
7. I truly believe that I can do anything I set my mind to in this life.
8. In my mid twenties, I suffered from a medium case of depression that lasted about a year and a half. During the worst of times, I entertained the idea of suicide, but I never acted on it. I managed to beat it without the help of drugs or doctors because I looked within, I identified what in my life was causing it, and I tried everything to beat it. Eventually, with enough trial and error, I did. I am confident those feelings will never again come back, because I have learned the right skills. If you are ever feeling depressed, call a doctor. Or me, cuz I’m cooler. Depression? Yeah, I slayed that demon. Who wants a piece next?
9. I used to draw a lot and write poetry. Don’t laugh. I was the best artist in my gradeschool by miles, and I won numerous competitions. Then one day in grade 6 sex-ed class, Mr. Tierney decided to tell the class that “most artistic people are gay.” The rest of my life up until high school was a living hell. I have not drawn a single sketch since then nor do I have any desire to do so. Fuck you Tierney – at least I don’t tuck my track pants into my socks. I hope one day you break a law by accident and have to spend a night in jail with 3 jacked “artistic” guys with massive paint brushes. Fucker.
10. There is nothing in this world I love more than Jenn Mooney.
11. Except scotch. I like scotch so much that if we were standing in a room and having a  normal conversation, and you told me you don’t like scotch, I might just punch you in the neck. If you don’t have anything good to say, then don’t say anything.
12. I never met my dad until I was 4 years old. I refused to call him dad because of it, and have called him by his first name most of my life. We still joke about it.
13. Have you seen the movie “Taken” with Liam Neeson? I can’t wait to have a daughter just so I can be him. As a matter of fact, I can’t wait till my daughter brings home her first bf. That poor kid probably isn’t even alive yet, but he has NO IDEA what he’s in for. Fate – it’s a mother fucker.
14. I failed my final year thesis project at McMaster as an engineer. It was a great experience.
15. I wish I learned how to play hockey. More so than that, I wish I was born in Texas as a cowboy and played football.
16. Come to think of it, nah, I am just fine right here. I take number 15 back.
17. I hate paying asking price. Everything in life is a negotiation weather you believe it or not.
18. This is a picture of my father when he was in his prime. This photo was actually taken moments before he birthed me, and just after he had destroyed Dolph Lundgren in an arm wrestling match. Dolph was of course allowed to use both hands. Much like Chuck Norris, my father did not require a female in order to conceive. He actually taught this trick to Chuck in 1979, who then taught it to the most interesting man in the world.
19. 

One of my favorite scenes: